You're completely useless in the revolution.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
