i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
