Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
