I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
