You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
