Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
