i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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