Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
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