mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
