Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
