my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize