went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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