Will you blow on my dice?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There r osticjed everywhere
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
