Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
