I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize