you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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