do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
