I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
