that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
