If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
