i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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