u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
