So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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