white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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