he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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