I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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