i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
