there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
