i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
