He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
