You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
