dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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