i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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