Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
