can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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