Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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