I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
