Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
