He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
