I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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