franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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