i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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