Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
