My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
