i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
