70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
