I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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