I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
