Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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