She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found puke in my bra..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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