2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
