Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
