I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
