it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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