Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
