I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
