you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
