Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
