My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
